Case of the Week “15 Years Isn’t Long Enough To Figure Out If A Trial Was Fair” By James Gladstone Volume 1 Part 2 December 13, 2008
This week’s Case of the Week is on vacation while the Brethren – and Justice Ginsburg – are on Holiday. Should the Court take on any emergency cases, your trusty correspondent will return before the Court reopens in January. If not, Happy Holidays.
“’Just because it is, doesn’t mean it should be.’” Lady Sarah Ashley in Australia
As a longtime fan of Nicole Kidman I was greatly looking forward to the spectacle that is Baz Lurhman’s Australia. I knew it would be long and over-the-top as all of Lurhman’s films tend to be—and it has been seven years since Moulin Rouge, so I was sure his extravagant impulses have been long bottled and itching to escape. The main problem is that Australiais three different movies played in one long running time. There is the prickly romance ala The African Queen between Kidman’s Lady Sarah Ashley and Hugh Jackman’s “Drover.” (That’s the only moniker we get for Jackman—he never gets a real name even as time passes and he and Lady Sarah form an unofficial family with the Aboriginal boy, Nullah, played wonderfully by Brandon Walters …. He is simply “the Drover.”) The second movie is an adventure tale of a dangerous cattle drive across the great expanse of Northwestern Australia to get to the port of Darwin. The third is the saga of a half-Aboriginal boy and the history of Australia’s shameful practice of forcibly taking these children from their Aboriginal mothers and sent to “MissionIsland” in order to “breed” the white side of their fathers and suppress the influence of their mothers.
There are echoes of what might have been in the trek across the outback. Lady Sarah and the Drover put together a ragtag group that includes Nullah, Nullah’s grandmother, an alcoholic accountant, and Chinese cook. A genuinely thrilling undertaking for them all, the drove illustrates the beauty and danger of Australia. But as the most impressive set piece of the movie is also the saddest, it is hard to truly love any section of the movie.
Australia is hemmed in by endless clichés, the most glaring being the father of young Nullah, the overseer of “Faraway Downs,” (the ranch owned by Kidman) who is so evil it is unfortunate that his mustache is not long enough to twirl. It is never explained why this man (played by David Wenham of Lord of the Rings fame) is quite so malevolent. There is a bit of exposition describing his family and that they have worked “Faraway Downs” for generations. But that’s it. The Australian actor Bryan Brown is mostly wasted in his role as the rancher competing against Kidman for a lucrative war contract.
Kidman is cringingly stiff at the beginning of the film, but warms up as her character falls in love with both Drover and Nullah. Jackman is more memorable in that he plays essentially the perfect man—one who cries beautifully, rescues children and cracks his whip with equal élan.
The old-fashioned sentimentality of the movie would be more enjoyable if it wasn’t dotted with sadness every 30 minutes, or if Lurhman had focused on one of the three stories running through the film—preferably to Jackman sudsing himself up and giving himself a sponge bath in the outback— we would have had an enjoyable Christmas movie. But instead he tried for epic tragedy to be spread amongst his epic cheese. And cheese + tears aren’t very festive.
Does everyone who enters politics turn to crap? They should call Political Science the Science of figuring out why all politics is a giant sham.
Obama, you better not have made a fool of me this year. I bought all your audacity of hope, change we can believe in, army of teachers, etc. rhetorical political crap. I emailed everyone I knew trying to convince them you weren't just another Bill Clinton. Don't make me regret it.
I'm more than a little worried with this whole I love my enemies political BS you've eaten up since Nov. 4th. Tell me Lieberman, Clinton, and Gates love is a good sign of your humbleness, not a sign of the inevitable "I need to get myself re-elected/journey to the center of American politics" predictability. I still have hope for you, but please don't turn that hope into hopeless pessimism.
This morning, Tom Brokaw announced on Meet the Press that David Gregory will be the new moderator of Meet the Press. What do we think about this choice? I like David, but I think that Tim Russert would have been rooting for Chuck Todd. Check out the new poll to weigh-in on this one.
In a first non-Lorelai contribution to Flatlander Follies, we welcome James Gladstone to our weekend dialogue. Cheers James!
Case of the Week
“15 Years Isn’t Long Enough To Figure Out If A Trial Was Fair”
By James Gladstone
Volume 1 Part 1
December 6, 2008
My name is Gladstone.James Gladstone.I shall contribute to this fine Blog http://flatlanderfollies.blogspot.com/every Saturday and muse about the U.S. Supreme Court’s decisions of that week by selecting a singular case of interest.It will not necessarily be the most discussed in the media – rather, it will be whatever strikes my fancy.
This week’s Case is an easy one to select as the Court issued but one published opinion, it being Hedgpeth v Pulido, 555 US _____ (2008).(Before starting, let me point out that there was a human victim in this case, a 21 year old named Ramon Flores.That is a cold fact, along with the fact that he was murdered in May 1992 at a Shell station in San Mateo, California.Another fact is that $150 was taken from the station’s cash register.)
Hedgpeth presents two oddities in that it is a PER CURIAM decision, but with a dissenting opinion.
“Per curiam” is Latin for “the Court as a whole” and is usually a brief and unanimous decision involving a case in which there is little to argue about.It is unsigned – so the actual author of the text takes no bow for a job well (or poorly) done.
But sometimes there is a dissenting opinion attached to which authorship is claimed (don’t ask how can a decision be one by the Court as a whole when everyone does not agree?).One not versed in the law might have reason to remember a case called Bush v Gore in which their were multiple signed opinions but no one signed on to claim authorship of the decisive opinion itself – and of course, there is little wonder why.
But I digress.
Hedgpeth is an example of why nine lawyers should never be put in charge of anything that requires a simple explanation.
Mr. Hedgpeth himself is the California Warden who is holding one Michael Pulido in custody.Pulido was convicted of murder – in fact felony murder – which is normally proven by showing that a murder occurred while the perpetrator was performing a felony.This often happens, as all Law and Order fans know, when a couple of robbers are interrupted and one murders a victim – the non-shooter is responsible under the felony murder doctrine.
Well, in this case, then 16 year old Michael Pulido was convicted of robbing a gas station during which the attendant, the unfortunate Ramon Flores, was shot dead.Pulido said he had no idea what his uncle was up to until he heard a shot, went in the station, appraised the situation, and then was ordered by his armed Uncle (Michael Aragon) to empty the cash register.The Uncle – surprise-surprise – said it was Pulido who did the dirty.The Police apparently agreed because Uncle Mike has never been charged with anything in connection with the case.
Now usually this is the type of thing juries are hired to iron out.The question for the jury should be not only who pulled the trigger but also, if the jury believed that Pulido did not, whether he was in on the heist before the shooting.No sane person would think that little Michael should be convicted if a jury believed he did not shoot the victim and he did not know of the heist ahead of time – right?
Well, sort of.At the trial it seems the judge made a mistake (or two).He told the jury that even if they did not find that Pulido was the shooter, they could convict him of felony-murder if they found he was in cahoots with his Uncle on the robbery ahead of time or if they found he made the plan to rob the cash register after the murder.The judge not only verbally told the jury this, but also gave them written (form) instructions
regarding the law of felony-murder, but incorrectly used the word ‘either’ instead of ‘and’.
Well, little Michael was convicted of felony murder after the jury said they could not determine he was the shooter.Their finding of guilt did not say whether Michael knew of the robbery ahead of time.They just determined he committed the robbery either before or after the murder.Everyone involved admits that under California law, this is error.
So this is when we get a bunch of lawyers involved. The unnamed Per Curiam court says the lower court must now reconsider its ruling that Pulido deserves a new trial by determining whether the faulty instructions were “harmless error” - thereby holding it error for the lower Courts to just automatically give Pulido a new trial.
The plain meaning to anyone but a lawyer is that the six conservative members of the Supreme Court would really, really, really like to find a way to keep Pulido in jail for the rest of his life without a chance for parole (his original sentence) but just couldn’t find a way to do so without deciding that if you have a jury of 12 and six think you did something wrong and six think you did something else wrong, then that counts as unanimous.
The lessons?
1. Don’t go for a ride with your uncle when you need to stop for gas.
And if you do, expect the police to believe your uncle’s version.
2. Don’t expect that an unfair trial will get fixed anytime soon – even if any sane person concludes it is unfair.
3. Do expect the Bush Court to give Gladstone, James Gladstone, more ammunition in weeks to come.
"Please phrase your question in the form of an answer..."
Present your entire talk in iambic pentameter.
Whine piteously, beg, cry...
Switch halfway through your talk to Pig Latin.
Table dance (you or an exotic dancer).
Fashion show.
"I'd like to thank the Academy..."
Pass the collection basket.
Two-drink minimum.
Black tie only.
Incite a revolt.
Release a flock of doves.
"And now a reading from the Book of Mormon..."
"There will be a short quiz after my presentation..."
"Professor Robinson, will you marry me?"
Bring your pet boa.
Tell ghost stories.
Do a "show and tell".
Food fight.
Challenge a professor to a duel.
Halftime show.
"Duck, duck, duck, duck... GOOSE!"
"OK - which one of you farted?"
Sell those big foam "We're number #1 (sic)" hands.
Pass out souvenier matchbooks.
"Tag - you're it!"
Hang a pinata over the table and have a strolling mariachi band.
Make each professor remove an item of clothing for each question he asks.
Rent a billboard on the highway proclaiming "Thanks for passing me Professors X,Y, and Z" - before your defense happens.
Have a make-your-own-sundae table during the defense.
Throw a masquerade defense, complete with bobbing for apples and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.
Use a Greek Chorus to highlight important points.
"The responsorial psalm can be found on page 124 of the thesis..."
Tap dance.
"I'm sorry Professor Smith, I didn't say 'Simon says any questions?' You're out."
Flex and show off those massive pecs.
Dress in top hat and tails.
Hold a pre-defense pep rally, complete with cheerleaders, pep band, and a bonfire.
Detonate a small nuclear device in the room or threaten to.
Shadow puppets.
Show slides of your last vacation.
"OK, everybody - heads down on the desk until you show me you can behave."
Have everyone pose for a group photo.
Laugh maniacally.
Start speaking in tongues.
Explode.
Implode.
Spontaneously combust.
Answer every question with a question.
Moon everyone in the room after you are done.
"Laugh, will you? Well, they laughed at Galileo, they laughed at Einstein..."
Hand out 3-D glasses.
Go into labor.
Give your entire speech in a "Marvin Martian" accent.
"I don't know - I didn't write this."
Before your defense, build trapdoors underneath all the seats.
Swing in through the window, yelling a la Tarzan.
Hang a disco ball in the center of the room. John Travolta pose optional.
"I could answer that, but then I'd have to kill you."
Hide.
Get a friend to ask the first question. Draw a blank-loaded gun and "shoot" him. Have him make a great scene of dying (fake blood helps). Turn to the stunned audience and ask "any other wise-cracks?"
Same as the last one, except use real bullets.
"Well, I saw it on the internet, so I figured it might be a good idea..."
Wear clown makeup, a clown wig, clown shoes, and a clown nose. And nothing else.
Use the words "marginalized", "empowerment", and "patriarchy".
Play Thesis Mad Libs.
Invite your parents. Especially if they are fond of fawning over you. ("We always knew he was such an intelligent child")
Flash "APPLAUSE" and "LAUGHTER" signs.
Mosh pit.
Have cheerleaders. ("Gimme an 'A'!!")
Claim political asylum.
Hang a sign that says "Thank you for not asking questions"
Use a TelePromTer
"Take my husband - please!"
Refuse to answer questions unless they phrase the question as a limerick.
Have everyone bring wine glasses. When they clink the glasses with a spoon, you have to kiss your thesis, or your advisor.
Offer a toast.
Firewalk
Play drinking thesis games. Drink for each overhead. Drink for each question. Chug for each awkward pause. This goes for the audience as well.
Swoop in with a cape and tights, Superman style.
Stand on the table.
"You think this defense was bad? Let me read this list to show you what I could have done..."
From http://people.msoe.edu/~taylor/humor/defense.htm, with edits by L. Granger.